


We're On Our Own Side

by Leronas



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 10:23:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leronas/pseuds/Leronas
Summary: Aziraphale muses over the simple facts of life.





	We're On Our Own Side

**Author's Note:**

> I tend to think more about Crowley (he’s easier for me to write, I feel like I have a better grip on his character than on Aziraphale’s), but [this](https://kedreeva.tumblr.com/post/186895793143/the-moon-loves-the-sea-oh-fuck-me-he-has-tears) meta gave me feels and I wanted to study Aziraphale’s character and his feelings for a certain demon a bit closer. Hence, this. Have fun! :D

Aziraphale loved Crowley.

Yes, you could say, _ obviously _. And, well, for anyone who just observed them, not knowing their true nature, it was rather obvious that Aziraphale was in love.

That Crowley loved Aziraphale in return was just as clear, and in spite of many who would claim the opposite, he was actually _ painfully _ aware of it _ . _He was an angel for Her sake, he could feel the love of others; of course he knew how close to his heart Crowley held him.

Although, therein lay the problem. _ He _ was an angel, and _ Crowley _ was a demon.

Them fraternizing (a word Aziraphale has regretted using when describing their relationship about a million times since he said it) was such scandalous an idea that neither angels nor demons would, not for a very, _ very _long time, assume it was happening. Had they known, there would’ve been consequences. Severe ones.

To be fair, Aziraphale mostly worried about Crowley - hence him pretending that he was ignorant when it came to his feelings. There wasn’t much he could do to protect him; if keeping at least some distance between them was all the agency he had in stopping Hell from taking Crowley from him, then he could keep the true extent and nature of his love for him to himself. It had hurt, yes, but Hell destroying Crowley would’ve hurt a thousand times more. Heaven, he reasoned, would be upset, yes, but would not hurt him - they were Good, for crying out loud! Nothing like the Opposition.

In hindsight, Aziraphale would concede that yes, he had been somewhat naive, or maybe just blindsided when it came to Heaven. Crowley has always been the more knowledgeable one, which made sense of course, since he’d already seen Heaven at its worst.

(Even though Aziraphale existed during the First War, he was assigned to the Garden almost as soon as he came into existence, hence having seen nearly nothing of the Fall other than the consequences.)

Such was their life for thousands of years: Crowley pushed closer because he loved and he dared, and Aziraphale pulled away because he loved and he feared. The gap got smaller and smaller every time Crowley reached out, and Aziraphale had always known that one day he’d be left in a corner with no more space left to back away from the demon. But he kept the distance and watched Crowley in his orbit, pushed his own love for him down to the depths of his soul and secretly hoped that on the day the hiding ends, they will be able to keep what they find in each other's hearts.

He didn’t know exactly what he was expecting, or hoping for. He very carefully stayed away from ever imagining what it would be like if they could ever love freely. Not only was he scared someone might find out what he was thinking, he also knew it’d hurt even more the next time he’d have to pull away from Crowley.

He did not expect the Apocalypse to free them. In fact, he’d expected that the Apocalypse would be the end of everything they’d had together. He knew that when It happens, no matter the outcome, he’ll never see Crowley again. One of their sides would win - he expected it to be Heaven, but found that he had little joy in the thought of their potential victory. He, Aziraphale personally, would always, always lose, regardless of the end of the war. So when Gabriel showed up and told him It was happening, he felt the weight of six thousand years of wasted opportunity come crashing down on him. It would soon be over. Crowley didn’t have time to push as far as Aziraphale thought he would.

He didn’t believe they could stop It, and he was a far cry from certain whether or not it was right for them to try. Crowley wanted to do it, but Crowley has always been rebellious - there was a reason he was a demon -, and he had little respect for Her plans. Aziraphale though, believed that She was arranging everything according to some divine Goodness, and worried that if they attempted to change anything, they might ruin her perfect, ineffable Plan. So yes, he was reluctant, but he was also hopeful.

Crowley was good, afterall. Better, he thought sometimes, usually after Gabriel came to check up on him, than most angels. If the End Times were truly upon them, surely the time came for him to be forgiven? And Crowley kept tempting him, and oh, how good he was at his job, because Aziraphale _ wanted _ to run with him, run to the furthest star of the furthest galaxy they could find, hide for the rest of time, away from Heaven and Hell and everything - but he couldn’t give in. No, they couldn’t step out of line, not _ now _, when Judgment was coming and Crowley would surely be reevaluated. He couldn’t ruin his one chance at redemption.

And then, in his final desperation, he turned to Her. He never questioned why She stopped talking to them, why She wasn’t giving the orders directly, he just kept quietly believing that She was arranging everything and Head Office was acting on Her orders relayed by Metatron. But in that moment, so close to the End, with the information he needed to stop It right at his fingertips, he had to _ know _for himself. And in his search, all he discovered was cruelty.

The End _ was _ the Plan. The whole of creation, the lovely little restaurants, the good wines, the people chattering on, going about their lives, the birds in the the trees and the fish in the ocean and the bright blue sky - it was all to be sacrificed for… what? Settling the score? A war between two sides who could have picked any other planet to have their showdown? A planet _ without _ a population? Millions, _ billions, _ killed for nothing?

So he marched on, and he heard one sentence in his mind, over and over and over.

_ We’re on our own side._

He’d figure out how to possess someone. Demons can do it, right?

_ We’re on our own side._

He’d shoot Adam, if there was no other way to stop all of this. He’d have time to hate himself for it later.

_ We’re on our own side._

“Do something or… or… or I’ll never talk to you again!”

_ We’re on our own side._

He’d change his face for Crowley’s and get dragged away by the servants of Hell, bathe in holy water, act out and taunt all the demons and an archangel, if it bought them their peace.

_ We’re on our own side._

In the end, Crowley didn’t back him into a corner. He didn’t have to. In the end, Aziraphale came reaching out, because they’d already seen the worst, they were already on the brink of destruction, and they won. Not Heaven, not Hell, but them. Humanity and an angel and a demon who were too fond of good books and pretty plants and quality wine and each other to let it all go.

The sun came up in the morning; the guards in front of Buckingham Palace changed shifts at 11:00 sharp; there was a little town in England that always had perfect weather for the season; the sky was blue and the grass was green; and Aziraphale loved Crowley more than he’d ever loved anything in the whole of creation.

These were all just simple facts of life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to let me know what you thought of it in the comments :)


End file.
